Archive for 365 Stupidest Things Said

HA! You thought I was gone.

April 30, 2009 matt 365 Stupidest Things Said, Personal Ideas

So it’s been over a month.  Barely.  I’ve been busy.

Research papers, final papers, final presentations, trying to do work for an entire group of people.  I have my last final exam today.  Woo hoo!  Then I run away for the weekend.  Woo hoo!  (Edit: this part was written a week before the rest of the entry.)

So to further procrastinate any form of studying, I present:

A DISCLAIMER!

My personal views come out pretty strong in this entry.  It’s about religion.  I’m United Methodist.  I don’t know why or what it means but I like what I have learned and I have adapted it to my personal feelings as time has gone on.  I hope this makes for interesting conversation but I don’t want heads rolling around or anything.  The best debaters know when to pull back because it’s getting too personal or too emotional.

That being said, I now present to you:

365 Stupidest Things Said on ‘Look Out Below!’

The sermon this morning:
“Jesus Walks on the Water.”

The sermon tonight:
“Searching for Jesus.”

Religion is a funny business.  People who follow religion believe there is some power up there in the heavens (or equivalent) and that power shapes and molds the world and events around us.  That’s about as generic of a statement I can make, don’t yell and stomp if that isn’t how you see it.  It’s not really the way I see it either.

There is a part of this I haven’t quite figured out yet so I’m not really going to touch on it.  Science is beginning to explain more and more about the world and how it works.  Historically, God was used to explain the inexplicable.  With all the scientific advances in the last century, the world is running out of inexplicable things.  This does not mean that God doesn’t have a place just that the place for God has changed.  The Bible, or other religious texts, is full of serious morality and lessons.  The stuff I learned in Sunday School really shaped the way I looked at things as a kid.  As I grew up, some of what I thought to be my core beliefs were turned upside down but simply because I was learning about myself and maturing.  If I get into a position where I need to make a decision, those random stories from church can usually give me some direction.

God is at the root of our morals.  Or at least, that’s the way I see it.

Jesus is there too.  I’m still not sure if he was just a good storyteller or just crazy.

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The internet and what it really looks like

March 23, 2009 matt 365 Stupidest Things Said

365 Stupidest Things Said on:
Incredibly Intelligible Internet Insights

“The Internet is not something you just dump something on.  It’s not a truck.  It’s a series of tubes.  And if you don’t understand, those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and it’s going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormus amounts of material.”
Senator Ted Stevens (R-Alaska), during a debate on Internet neutrality.

BAH HA HA HA HA HA!  You fail Ted Stevens.  You are almost worse than the ISPs who say they have to limit downloads because the Internet backbone can’t handle all the traffic.  That may have been true in the days of 56kbps modem connections but in these days of multi-gigabit speeds, it’s a joke.

I will refrain from bringing Mr. Stevens’ ethics into play here but if you pay attention to politics, I’m sure you have heard and more importantly if you found yourself here you can probably use Google to find information about him.

Seriously, the Internet can handle everything we throw at it.  People are streaming high-def video over the Internet now.  The technology is constantly changing and creating faster and higher quality connections.  There are protocols and standards for handling a large amount of information at once and it may result in a slow down but it won’t bottleneck the whole thing.  If two people connect from two different places to the same site at the same time, they may not come in the same way until they get into the site’s hosting location.  So as long as the host can support the high amount of traffic, there is no issue.

Oh well, I’ll save the rest of this for my research paper.  Until next time, I shall remain…

Matt

PS – I saw a car on the road today with the license plate “BATKAR”.  How awesome is that?

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Sorry!

March 6, 2009 matt 365 Stupidest Things Said

Ok, so I know I said I would have something before now but I’ve been on Spring Break and a lot has happened.

First, business is business.

365 Stupidest Things Said on Yeah, Go Figure

“I could turn on just about any television channel in Europe and see full nudity.  And their crime rate is a lot lower than ours.  Go figure.”  – rapper Nelly

Sounds like we should all just be able to get along.  With or without nudity.  Maybe this country is just a bit too sensitive.  I don’t want to go down that road, it’s long and has lots of windy turns (that is NOT what she said).  No matter what the occasion is, you can always rely on famous people to say funny stuff.

Ok, so this week I recieved two job offers within 30 minutes of each other.  It was cool.  I got to sit down with a list of reasons why to work at each place and my goals and see which one stacked up better.  It wasn’t much of a competition.  May have helped the job I didn’t take if they didn’t rush me through the process.  Oh well.

What else have I done?  I took two cars to get oil changes… it was exciting.  OH! I’m going to see The Watchmen on Sunday.  I’ve played a decent amount of Rock Band 2.  I didn’t go anywhere.  I should have gone to Maine, taken pictures and made a fire.  Maybe next year.  I also avoided doing any work.  Yes, I am proud of that.  Maybe tomorrow I will actually get something done on my research paper.  I’m writing about network security and honeypots.

Honeypots rock.  They are like fake computers/devices that attract attacks and viruses and then allow you to analyze them.  Of course that’s only a part of network security.  Oh no, I’ve started writing my paper on my blog!  Do I have to cite myself?!  Blah.  Technical writing is stupid.

I haven’t slept much over the past three days so I think I will get ice cream, watch August Rush and fall asleep early tonight.

I have a job, I have my sanity, and I feel good about it.  This was a productive break.

Oh and I may just become a nudist to see if people start to treat me better.

……maybe.

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Dogs and John Madden

February 4, 2009 matt 365 Stupidest Things Said

Sunday, February 1, 2009

“Wow… if only a face could talk” – sportscaster John Madden, during the Packer-Patriots Super Bowl XXXI

Monday, February 2, 2009

“FOUND. DIRTY WHITE DOG.
Looks like a rat.  It’s been out awhile.  No collar. Better be a reward.
Call…” – classified ad in a Baltimore newspaper

Now why in the world would I put these to entries together?  The answer is quite simple.  John Madden is a dirty rat.

The man does not know a single thing about football.  Maybe he did at one point but now he’s up there with Tim McCarver and Joe Buck as the worst sports announcers in the history of me watching sports.  They disgust me to the point that if a Boston/New England team is playing I will mute the TV and put on the radio.

The super bowl this year was pretty epic.  I was rooting for the Cardinals because I’m the sort of underdog fan who would want to see them win.  Even with their horrible defense, they kept the game close and my attention was 100% on the game.  The commercials were a set up from last year.  Nothing as epic as the Budweiser frogs or the Blockbuster hamsters but I laughed and was intrigued by most of the upcoming movies.

Ok back to dogs.  My girlfriend is a fan of dogs.  Small dogs, handbag dogs, sneak into the workplace and hide in a filing cabinet (*cough* Angela from The Office *cough cough*) sort of dogs.  These dogs are useless to me.  I apologize ahead of time to anyone who may be hurt by this but I want a dog that will play with me.  The sort of dog that can jump on me and dance with its hind legs.  I’m thinking a black or yellow lab.  I had a chocolate lab and she was awesome so I wouldn’t mind another chocolate one but why should it be all the same?

So anyway, we decided that I’m getting a (what I like to call) “real” dog and she will get a little, nothing, eternal puppy thing.  And, although I hope it never happens, if she loses the thing, I will be keeping my eye out for an ad like the one above.

Edit:  Um, my girlfriend wouldn’t abuse a dog in the manner addressed above.  She is also ok with a big dog.  Basically it’s a girl thing to have a little dog.  I just hope it wouldn’t be a mop.

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Thursday January 29

January 30, 2009 matt 365 Stupidest Things Said

“Shangri-la is in your mind
but your buffalo is not.”
-billboard in China

Well, I don’t know about you but, my buffalo is always on my mind.  Especially when I’m traveling in China.

I am in classes for the next 6 months and it’s really boring.  I have one class this semester that I find useful.  But even that bores me because I have done most of this stuff in pratice while on coop.  My other classes consist of calculus (already did it in high school and so far it’s all the same), advanced writing in the techincal professions (a load of horse manure with mutating flies on it), and Managing Social, Legal and Ethical Issues (interesting but sitting there makes me want to cry).

So coop is Shangri-la and the buffalo is school courses.  Hm, maybe they were right after all.

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Mariah Carey and imaginary friends

January 25, 2009 matt 365 Stupidest Things Said

So, I didn’t find anything of great interest from my calendar other than this one page from January 7th.

from Mariah Carey’s “eloquent poem” (no joke, those are the exact words) “The Unicorn”:

I love my unicorn, he knows I am true,
My troubles go poof, my unicorn named Boo

Oh sweet heavens above.  What is this?

First off, Mariah Carey is nuts.  She completely jumped off the deep end and at some point came up with her imaginary unicorn, Boo.  In all honesty, I’m ok with that.  I had imaginary friends when I was little.  I had like 20 of them.  I only was close with two and I went a little over the top with the names but that’s ok.  It was only important to me.

Of course now I am 20 and I remember two names of the original 20.  Hooper and Elbow.  Yes, I named one of my imaginary friends Elbow.  It’s a cool word.  On the other hand, I guess I can see why he doesn’t talk to me any more :P

So back to Mariah.  She was hot stuff at one point.  That song Heartbreaker(??) was a little risk-ay.  But then she lost it and disappeared.  I think she released something not too long ago but I stopped watching MTV so I have no idea.  I guess when it comes down to it, you can’t be in the spotlight all the time and come out ok.

On a more personal note, I think I might be setting up my first professional job.  I’m stoked.  That would really set me on the right track for my future.  I’m hoping it pans out and I’m not getting excited over nothing.

Well, time to fix the time on this thing and get to bed.  Later.

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Ok, seriously, this is a real post.

January 18, 2009 matt 365 Stupidest Things Said

Tuesday January 6, 2009

“I scare nothing! Even you become napkins!”
- English subtitle in a Hong Kong kung-fu movie

I can’t express how long I laughed at this.

Foreign movies are flipping sweet.

I don’t know if anyone watches Dragonball and has Netflix but if you do, GET THE DRAGONBALL MOVIE!
It is an import and it is horribly dubbed but it is SO AWESOME.  I watched it the other night and laughed almost as hard as I did when I read the above quote.

Anywho, I was going to talk about illegal immigration but I’m enjoying myself too much having fun.

Later!

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